A Bit of Background.....

First things first: I am not a morning person.

That's not quite strong enough. Maybe capitals and bold print will help: I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

Well, that was a fun exercise in the art of text formatting, but I actually don't think I need to emphasize the point any further. If you know me, you know that I am notorious for being a night owl instead of an early bird.

I've been defending my sleep habits for years. "Why get up early? I'm more productive at night," I proclaim to whoever is asking (or growling at me for being late to work).

Which is technically true - in a given day, my brain is performing at its optimum level somewhere between the hours of 6:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. The rest of the time, I'm basically just functioning in a daze.

I wasn't always this way. In high school I played ice hockey (Matt Holt, back me up on this). I know for a fact that I played in games, away games even, at 7 or 8 a.m. on most Saturdays during hockey season. Come to think of it, didn't my first class in high school begin at 7:10 a.m.? How did I do it then? And, more importantly, why can't I do it now?

After all, millions of Americans manage to get their asses to work by 9 a.m. So why is it that I rarely make it in by 10:30?? And, damn it, why am I always awake (and nearly always working) at midnight, 1 a.m., 2 a.m....? There are several possible answers to this question. Some say that genetics determine whether a person is predisposed to be an "early riser" or not. However, my dad wakes up ungodly early (like, 5 a.m.), so I definitely don't get it from him. So I could just blame it all on my mom, which is tempting (thanks Mom!)

I recently read a study that says that sitting in front of a computer screen till all hours can seriously mess up your internal clock and sleep/wake cycle. Read it for yourself if you're so inclined: "Effects of VDT tasks with a bright display at night on melatonin, core temperature, heart rate, and sleepiness" .

But alas, searching for a reason for my abnormal sleep habits does nothing to solve the problem. I can either provide excuses or I can suck it up and *gasp* make an effort to change into one of those perky, enthusiastic "morning birds" that I find so annoying.

And so it begins....

Can Kate Breslin Transform Into A Morning Person In 30 Days? -- The Experiment.

It sounds like some kind of awesome movie, no? No?? Well, screw you! I'm doing it anyway! Bwah ha ha!

Stay tuned!!! And prepare to be recruited! This experiment requires your participation!!